Stress eating/emotional eating

[SiW]

Having real difficulties controlling my eating habits over the past 1-2 years. A multitude of reasons, such as grief, increased work and family stress. I’ve previously been fine with diet, sensible not overindulging for long periods. I’m really seeking advice on how to break this cycle. I have taken up the deep relaxation meditation and really enjoying the practice. I’ve read Kit’s own experience on this and his response to anger, I wonder if may experience a similar response in my ability to control my eating? I’m also considering CBT as an option. Any thoughts or shared experience is welcome. S

Edited April 24, 2023 by SiW
Typo

[Kit_L]

To help me comment, what is "CBT"?

[SiW]

Cognitive behavioural therapy. I’ve corrected an autocorrect error above. I am considering cognitive behavioural therapy. 

[Nathan]

The simple answer is yes. With enough practice, you will become more mindful in daily life, and with more mindfulness, you will open up space between stimulus and reaction, which will allow you to respond.

But you can also speed things up by adding some direct work with these specific patterns of yours. CBT is intellectual. It works great for certain issues, and for certain people. Others don't find it very helpful. If you want to go in that direction, I recommend MBCT (Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy). It's basically CBT, but with the addition of mindfulness practices. However, if you want to try something that you can do on your own first, Dr. Jud Brewer has a great book called Unwinding Anxiety. The title is slightly misleading; it's really about addictions and negative behavior patterns, in general. The book leads you through a process of mapping out your negative behavior patterns so that you become familiar with your triggers, and then it gives some tools (the big hitters are mindfulness and meditation) to work toward changing the patterns.

[SiW]

Nathan, thank you for your thoughtful response. I will look up the book you mention and see if it appeals. I’m finding the deep relaxation a wonderful experience in its own right, but am yet to see or apply the mindfulness in day to day life - life/thoughts always get in the way at the moment! Interesting the point you make about space between stimulus and reaction. Currently it is stimulus=reaction (e.g. walk into kitchen=find snack, stressful period at work=eat the cake being offered). I desperately need to break this cycle, for physical and mental well-being. Many thanks, S

[Nathan]

8 hours ago, SiW said:

I desperately need to break this cycle, for physical and mental well-being.

This is something most of us have felt, to varying degrees. Please be careful not to feed the inner critic, though. Self-compassion will make the whole process much more enjoyable and more effective. Bring curiosity and awareness to these patterns, but leave out any moralistic judgments and harsh self-criticism, e.g., "I did it again! I'm a failure! I'll never break this cycle!" Swap that with something like, "Oh, wow, it happened again. Interesting. I wonder what was going on in my mind when I grabbed that snack. What underlying need was I trying to meet? What emotions was I feeling? How were they manifesting as sensations in the body? How am I feeling now? Did it meet my need?" Et cetera.

Remember that it takes time to establish unhelpful habits, and it will likely take time to unlearn and replace them. But you can do it. And you can build a lot of self-awareness and resilience along the way. Wishing you all the best!

[Kit_L]

9 hours ago, SiW said:

I’m finding the deep relaxation a wonderful experience in its own right, but am yet to see or apply the mindfulness in day to day life - life/thoughts always get in the way at the moment! Interesting the point you make about space between stimulus and reaction.

Developing this capacity will happen the deeper you can relax in daily life, because the beginner is experiencing his/her thoughts as reality. As you pay attention more to sensations in the body (and this inevitably will happen as you practise; these sensations come from the background to more foreground in the process), space will open where you will have the time to pause the "stimulus = reaction" cycle. Once that happens, you will have choice, perhaps for the first time.

As well, don't buy any snacks, and discipline yourself to only eat main meals. Liv and I eat lunch and dinner, and nothing else, ever. Look up intermittent fasting; it's become popular. Many people feel the need to snack because their bodies simply cannot access stored fat for fuel, and such people simply do feel hungry in between meals. If you feel hungry, you are much more likely to snack. If you change the way you eat along the suggested lines (and I can expand) you will not feel hungry between meals.

Making a conscious decision to not buy snacks the next time you shop is a bit like the Islamic proverb, "Trust in Allah, but tie your camel". It brings personal responsibility into the discussion. The deeper question is, 'What do I want?'

There's another dimension, too: you mentioned, "grief, increased work and family stress" in your original post. So, things have happened, and you find that you have adopted new habits in an attempt to balance these events. It is time to make other choices now. And as Nathan said, don't feed the inner critic. Next time you feel this urge, smile internally, and say to yourself, 'there it is again!'. Not a problem, at all, just a habit developed without conscious choice. Now you are bringing awareness to the process, and everything will change. Be nice to yourself, as we say regularly in class.

[SiW]

Thank you for your response Kit. I will continue with the practice one day at a time. A nice Islamic proverb there, a new one to me but made me smile. If you can point to more reading on changing the way I eat (intermittent fasting, particular food types?) then please do. 
 

As you say, it is time to develop new habits of my own choosing. I think posting here was the first step in doing so. 🙏

[SiW]

17 hours ago, Nathan said:

This is something most of us have felt, to varying degrees. Please be careful not to feed the inner critic, though. Self-compassion will make the whole process much more enjoyable and more effective. Bring curiosity and awareness to these patterns, but leave out any moralistic judgments and harsh self-criticism, e.g., "I did it again! I'm a failure! I'll never break this cycle!" Swap that with something like, "Oh, wow, it happened again. Interesting. I wonder what was going on in my mind when I grabbed that snack. What underlying need was I trying to meet? What emotions was I feeling? How were they manifesting as sensations in the body? How am I feeling now? Did it meet my need?" Et cetera.

Remember that it takes time to establish unhelpful habits, and it will likely take time to unlearn and replace them. But you can do it. And you can build a lot of self-awareness and resilience along the way. Wishing you all the best!

Thank you Nathan