30 Days (at least) of Lying Relaxation

[Nathan]

Yes, you should be clear about your goal when doing lying meditation. If your goal is deep relaxation, then I would recommend doing your lying relaxation in whatever way most supports relaxation (given your circumstances). You may need to do your practice on a hard floor at times, which is fine, but there will always be something soft(-ish) lying around that you can put under your head and not doing so is counter to the goal of the practice. When you are (more) satisfied with your ability to deeply relax, then you can start to add obstacles like uncomfortable surfaces/conditions to work with. You want to be able to relax deeply in less-than-ideal situations, but you need to walk before you can run, so to speak.

[anteriorankle]

Day 87

I tried to take the above advice and put a small pillow under my heels, which I do think took away from potential discomfort but also added a strange feeling (not necessarily bad or uncomfortable) because of my legs being slightly raised. I think I'll just have to find something that doesn't raise my legs as much and that should do the trick. The practice today had a section where you open your eyes, which was a bit challenging for me, particularly when doing the body scan as I found it more difficult to feel the mentioned parts. The level of relaxation was okay but I think the open eyes took away from the potential depth of relaxation. Itchiness was a problem at the start as well.

[anteriorankle]

Day 88

Today was okay. The practice involved tensing and then relaxing various body parts. I struggled a little with my right arm when trying to contract the forearm, bicep and tricep simultaneously, but had more success with my left arm. I think when tensing my quads I find it very difficult to completely relax them afterwards and it always feels like contracting them actually brought more tension to the area, which seemed to happen today. I was also a little agitated with my headphone cables resting on my face today, particularly at the beginning, but it wasn't too bad. Distractions were present but not too bad. 

[anteriorankle]

Day 89

There was the typical dissatisfaction with the right heel position today. Itchiness was a problem again, which maybe is because of the weather getting warmer here, but I'm not sure. Distractions were pretty strong because of a terrible sleep last night. However, the level of relaxation was decent. 

[anteriorankle]

Last night I did some lying meditation without any audio - I just lay down, focused on my breath and tried to relax for 15 minutes. It was okay, but tiredness was tough to contend with.

Day 90

I remember today getting to a point in the practice and thinking to myself, "Oh man, this is only the halfway point, there's still so much to go" in the sense of being bored/impatient, for lack of a better description. The physical relaxation felt okay.

Today's session could be regarded as having reached the second goal I had when starting this log. Unfortunately, I don't have any big insights or changes to report, and to be honest I haven't noticed any differences at all (or at least any of noteworthy significance). When I started this log I tried not to set any expectations of an outcome and just take it as it comes, but it is quite demotivating to get this far and still feel identical. This is moreso difficult when hearing comments often repeated from Kit about noticing some changes in about 30 days and being a completely different person in about 90 days, which I am aware is not to be taken as a certainty, but it is hard to feel positive or motivated when you're at that point and have seen no change at all.

I have to be clear that I wasn't expecting to come out of this as an enlightened being, but I did hope it would have some positive influence on me. I've finished these 90 days still extremely angry, agitated, often negative and still with terrible sleep. Now I have even less clear an idea on where to head from here. There are an infinite number of things I can try to change myself (fix myself seems more applicable for me) and it's a tough call to make to end a practice which could reap rewards later down the track and substitute it for something else. When I get to these points I feel that there's no hope for me and I can't change, or perhaps that I don't want to change.    

I also understand that in the scheme of a lifetime, 90 days is not a very long time, but with no results to look at, it begs the question, "How long do I keep this up when it's adding nothing positive to my life?".

[Nathan]

3 hours ago, anteriorankle said:

Today's session could be regarded as having reached the second goal I had when starting this log.

Congratulations!

3 hours ago, anteriorankle said:

Unfortunately, I don't have any big insights or changes to report, and to be honest I haven't noticed any differences at all (or at least any of noteworthy significance).

I recommend you re-read your log, starting from the beginning. I've followed all of your entries, and I've seen some impressive insights and changes. I'd also encourage you to try asking the people around you if they've noticed anything. It's often hard to see these things really clearly from a first-person perspective.

4 hours ago, anteriorankle said:

being a completely different person in about 90 days

I really doubt he said that. At the very least, it needs context. Sure, such a thing might be possible, but it would very much be the exception rather than the norm.

4 hours ago, anteriorankle said:

I did hope it would have some positive influence on me.

In addition to re-reading your log and asking the opinion of those around you, I would suggest that instead of deciding to abandon the practice in exchange for something else, start with taking a break, keeping the intention to come back to the practice (or entertaining the possibility, at least). While it's often hard to notice the gradual changes in ourselves from a practice like this over time, they sometimes become much clearer once we stop the practice. So take a week or two off, and continue to update this log with your general mood, quality of sleep, etc. Then compare and re-evaluate.

All of that said, lying relaxation is not a magic bullet. Another practice may work better for you. After you've done the above, if you still feel like you are not benefitting, then by all means, consider a different kind of relaxation or contemplative practice.

[anteriorankle]

Thank you for the message, I appreciate the thought. There's a lot to comment on but I'll try to condense it.

First, I asked my girlfriend if she's noticed any changes in me and she said no. She does, however, believe that my lack of 'success' is because of the attitude I developed toward the practice, where it became stressful to squeeze the relaxation into some days and I would feel a lot of pressure to do it as though it was a chore, rather than always being excited to do it. 

Second, I will get round to reading the log but I believe the insights and changes you are referring to are ones that have happened during the practice and have brought some positivity or benefit to that particular session but then don't carry on into subsequent sessions or life in general. A example I can use to represent this is that I've had many experiences with trying a new stretch, feeling like it's a fantastic stretch that I'd like to add to my routine, but in later stretching sessions it not feeling as good as it originally did. I think it's moreso the novelty of it.

Third, the comments I said Kit had made can be found in a lot of interviews with him (I will try and find them at another time) as well as in a number of the relaxation recordings. Perhaps there is a context I am not understanding, but as far as I could tell, that is what he was saying.

Lastly, I do like the idea you've put forth so I'll give it a shot. I don't know if I have much to comment on but I'll try and do it daily.

As for today, I had an okay day, still not the best mood and some strong anger and agitation at certain moments. My sleep wasn't great last night, but this was a day where I had done the relaxation anyway so if there's any changes to report it will come from tonight's sleep onwards. I can't imagine it getting any worse than the standard even without the relaxation practice. 

[Nathan]

16 hours ago, anteriorankle said:

She does, however, believe that my lack of 'success' is because of the attitude I developed toward the practice, where it became stressful to squeeze the relaxation into some days and I would feel a lot of pressure to do it as though it was a chore, rather than always being excited to do it.

This could definitely have something to do with it, although I would say there is insight to be had even here. Intention is incredibly important. In almost any endeavor, simply going through the motions will often give poor results. Sticking with it no matter what for 90 days is an impressive achievement, and now you know that you can remain consistent. Perhaps a good next move might be thinking about how you could make a relaxation practice something that you really look forward to.

16 hours ago, anteriorankle said:

Second, I will get round to reading the log but I believe the insights and changes you are referring to are ones that have happened during the practice and have brought some positivity or benefit to that particular session but then don't carry on into subsequent sessions or life in general.

A common misconception is that insights automatically change us. This may be true in some cases, but the majority of insights actually need to be practiced. They're glimpses of light, but strong habitual tendencies, practiced for years and years, quickly pull us back into the dark. I think if you read carefully, you will see that certain insights began repeating, very gradually. In time, and eventually with intentional practice, these insights can start to overtake our current habitual ways of being.

16 hours ago, anteriorankle said:

Lastly, I do like the idea you've put forth so I'll give it a shot. I don't know if I have much to comment on but I'll try and do it daily.

Please do. I'm not trying to convince you to continue the lying relaxation - there may be a much better option for you. But I think my suggestions will help make you make that decision with more confidence. Keep us updated 

[anteriorankle]

A pretty terrible sleep last night and the usual anger and agitation at times today. The sleep was particularly bad but this does happen and the increased heat, daylight savings and being in a different bed all likely contributed there.

[anteriorankle]

A little bit of a better sleep last night. Some moments of anger/frustration/agitation at different points today.

[anteriorankle]

Not the best sleep last night. Not too many moments of anger but I think that's because I didn't interact with many people today.

[anteriorankle]

The past two sleeps have been okay. Anger and agitation hasn't been too strong but there have been a few moments where they've arisen.