Joe's Joint

[Naldaramjo]

11 minutes ago, Nathan said:

Excellent. That's pretty much the whole point of many types of meditation - to observe how our minds react to things. In fact, vipassana (almost) literally means "seeing clearly." (Samatha helps establish the conditions to do this more efficiently.) I think you're on the right path. Just gotta keep going 

Thanks, @Nathan...that's nice to read. 

It's funny in a way. I can very easily identify when I am having a negative emotional reaction to a thought when the two are of the same flavour. For example, a negative thought about a friend turning into a negative feeling that reinforces that thought. The more insidious are those "meta" emotional reactions, where I am not angry with the thought rather than at the thought - annoyed at its mere presence. 

[Naldaramjo]

5 hours ago, pogo69 said:

I have rather a thing for Polish composers.  Lutosławski and Górecki, also.  I think it initially stemmed from playing the Classical Guitar, as one of my formative and strongest compositional loves was Alexandre Tansman, also Polish.  His pieces for the guitar are lovely, and mostly reasonably playable for someone who doesn't practise nearly enough.

 

What! No Chopin? No Szymanowski? ;) I am sure the former didn't write a thing for a guitar. Not as sure but pretty sure the latter also. 

It's nice to have a conversation about music on here, even though it's not really related. Reminds me of my days in music school  

[Pat (pogo69)]

19 hours ago, Naldaramjo said:

What! No Chopin? No Szymanowski? I am sure the former didn't write a thing for a guitar. Not as sure but pretty sure the latter also. 

Albeit blasphemy, I really don't dig Chopin.  But Szymanowski .

The guitar was largely ignored by "the great composers" until Segovia came along.  People have tried transcriptions of Chopin for the guitar but they will always be lacking.  Although, given that I'm not a fan, perhaps others see it otherwise?

19 hours ago, Naldaramjo said:

It's nice to have a conversation about music on here, even though it's not really related. Reminds me of my days in music school

It is!  I don't find the time to play much anymore, but it is nice to prattle on about it, from time to time.  Thankfully, my partner has very good and eclectic musical taste.

This also reminds me that I really enjoyed @Ed Heddle's workout log for the lamentably brief period that it lasted.  The addition of "Listening to: " in the entries was very welcome, indeed.

[Naldaramjo]

I used to often think of Chopin as fluff, because his music was so immediately attractive. I assumed his music's superficial beauty was its only beauty. Chopin was, to me, for a long time, "that Nocturne guy," whom I didn't consider worth the effort of exploring. Eventually, I came around, and he is now among my favourites. It feels a bit funny that I "came around" to appreciating someone already nearly universally admired.

I am going to guess that you also know/like Scriabin? Another one of my favourite composers...what a maniac! 

The "listening to" is a great idea...I'll think about including that, if/when I ever get back to writing proper workout logs.

[Pat (pogo69)]

20 hours ago, Naldaramjo said:

I am going to guess that you also know/like Scriabin?

Very much!  Tansman wrote a piece for the guitar, "Variations on a Theme of Scriabin", that is among my favourites to play.  Although, he also composed "Hommage à Chopin", so nobody is perfect. 

20 hours ago, Naldaramjo said:

The "listening to" is a great idea...I'll think about including that, if/when I ever get back to writing proper workout logs.

Ditto, if/when I ever start one!

[Naldaramjo]

@pogo69, are you a classically trained guitarist then? I just checked out that set of variations, with a fugue! 

[Pat (pogo69)]

On 1/10/2020 at 5:34 PM, Naldaramjo said:

@pogo69, are you a classically trained guitarist then?

Yes, albeit terribly out of practise.

I was lucky enough to stumble across a Classical Guitar teacher in high school.  He started teaching practical guitar lessons at the school when I was around Year 9 or 10.  He left the school before long.  But I followed him to continue lessons outside of school, as I was by then, well and truly in love with the Classical Guitar.

Twas he that switched me on to Penderecki.  He played 'Threnody' one day for me, in between students, to start encouraging me to expand my musical horizons.

Unfortunately, I gave (semi-)serious study away part way through Uni, just when things were getting interesting.

On 1/10/2020 at 5:34 PM, Naldaramjo said:

I just checked out that set of variations, with a fugue! 

Yep.  Well beyond my capabilities right now.  At my best, I could play through it, but never particularly well.

I was never great at practising.  Always in too much of a rush to hear things flowing from my fingers, but never patient enough to slow things down, break things down, perfect the parts etc.

So, I got very good at sight-reading.  But a bit rubbish at playing anything through from start to finish.

Anyway.  It is a beautiful piece of music.  Lovely theme, upon which Tansman created a masterpiece of musical creativity.  He was (I think) unsurpassed in his ability to write for the guitar, without playing it.  Certainly collaborating with Segovia would have helped, but others did so without the same success.

[Naldaramjo]

On 1/13/2020 at 3:20 PM, pogo69 said:

Anyway.  It is a beautiful piece of music.  Lovely theme, upon which Tansman created a masterpiece of musical creativity.  He was (I think) unsurpassed in his ability to write for the guitar, without playing it.  Certainly collaborating with Segovia would have helped, but others did so without the same success.

I majored in composition, and I never wrote any music for guitar. It was too intimidating. My limited guitar experience with rock music and church bands didn't provide me with much confidence for exploring the different aspects of guitar music composition. The look of it too is unlike music for any other instrument. I can see some structural similarities between the way violin music is written and piano music is written, but when I look at guitar sheet music, everything I know seems irrelevant. Chord voicings, spacings, etc...it all looks alien. I'm sure it has its own internal logic, but I have yet to discover it. 

Workout Log

Continued work on the quadriceps has made so many things more comfortable. My (leg) internal rotation has improved. Adductor stretches feel more like actual stretches. My butt has gotten stronger. (Glute bridges are still a two-leg affair, but the one leg variant isn't far off, I sense.) I can sit (meditate) for 45 minutes Burmese style (I think) without my legs going numb and without the first bits of post-meditation movement being so achy. 

Shoulder is slowly improving. Less is more. So many times, I have been my own worst enemy, tackling my aches and pains with appropriate enthusiasm but perhaps too much vigor. The ability to detach with my desire for "progress" or "improvement" has been strengthened through meditation, and through becoming very sensitive to the urges to "check" and "improve" when they arise. Yet, sitting I do, the less intense my obsessive tendencies have become. It's encouraging.

[Naldaramjo]

Vipassana Meditation Experience

By Joseph Campbell

Background

Motivation

A bit of background: about four years ago, I had a health crisis. After countless visits to specialists both in South Korea (where I currently live) and in Canada (where I’m from), I was able to safely conclude that nothing was seriously wrong with me. And yet, the health problem continued, and, while I knew intellectually that I was functionally okay, and I continued to do the things which best left me feeling alive and vital, I was plagued by worry about my condition, whose symptoms became my emotional master.

It wasn’t until about three years ago that I acknowledged to myself that I had all the makings of an anxiety disorder, and with that label in hand, I sought after an appropriately skilled counsellor. Meditation was originally a tool for me suggested by my counsellor. At the time when I began to take meditation seriously, it was in conjunction with the concept of radical acceptance. In time, the emotional edge left the vicious cycles of thoughts I’d get caught in, although the thoughts themselves were often quite problematic. Anxiety, and anxiety about anxiety, were still there, lurking the background. My health on the whole was improving, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that my attitude hadn’t truly shifted, that it was just waiting for the next crisis to latch on to.

So, I continued to meditate, and while I did meditate fairly consistently, missing large blocks of time only rarely, I could hardly have called myself a serious meditator, whatever that means. 

For reasons I cannot recall, I have known about Vipassana retreats for quite some time, since from long before I ever began to sit myself. My interest in them grew naturally from my own practice, conversations with close friends who’d completed retreats, and online communities such as this one, where the link between mindfulness and health was both clear and compelling. After a few failed attempts at aligning my work vacation time with the strict schedules of nearby Vipassana centres, I saw an opening for this winter in Japan, from January 28th to February 8th. After initially being placed on a wait list, I eventually became approved to attend. 

Expectations

A friend of mine advised me not to think too much about what I might experience, or to read too much about what others have experienced. That said, as the date approached, I couldn’t help but read a few accounts. The overwhelming message I got was this: there would be pain. 

Emotionally, I wasn’t sure what would come up, and I am certain this was for the better.

Preparation

I slowly worked up my sitting time. Not as much as I’d have liked, though. About 45 minutes every day. I also tried (and failed) to adjust my sleeping schedule to that of the retreat (4am wakeups).

~

On Location

The Place

Japan has two Vipassana centres: one in Chiba and one in Kyoto. Choosing between the two was easy - only Kyoto’s centre had a schedule that worked with my vacation time. 

The centre in Kyoto was (or felt) deep in the countryside, and this feeling was enhanced by the way in which I arrived there from Tokyo: a Shinkansen to Kyoto, a local train to Sonobe, a local bus to Hinokiyama, and, finally, a shuttle bus to the centre.

There were two large main buildings. The first, where we received our orientation, contained the kitchen and male and female dining halls (Vipassana retreats are segregated). The second contained accommodations for men and women (laterally segregated) as well as the main meditation hall. Other buildings were the bathroom, additional male accommodations and additional female accommodations. As well there were a couple of large grassy areas for walking, one for men, and one for women. A few benches were here and there as well. 

An interesting quirk I noticed just over halfway into the retreat: several of the windows on the men’s side of the second building had giant wooden blinds blocking a direct view into the grassy open area behind. I am assuming this is because of the male inclination to gaze longingly at women whenever the opportunity arises, which would not help anyone’s meditation!

I was in a room with five other men (my position was 2-5: room 2, bed 5) in the second building. We had beds, although I soon realized that not all accommodations had beds. Not that it mattered, because the frames were of solid wood construction, and the futons might as well have been on the floor. I heard that the old students (not necessarily physically old, but simply students who’d already completed at least one Vipassana retreat) were given slightly more privacy, but it didn’t make much of a difference to me. 

The Schedule

4am Wake Up

430am-630am Meditation*

630am-8am Breakfast

8am-9am Group Meditation

9am-11am Meditation

11am-1pm Lunch (12pm-1pm, private questions with the assistant teacher, if desired)

1pm-230pm Meditation

230pm-330pm Group Meditation

330pm-5pm Meditation

5pm-6pm Tea Time

6pm-7pm Group Meditation

7pm-830pm Discourse (Video Lectures from Goenka)

830pm-9pm Meditation

9pm-930pm Question period with the assistant teacher

*Full disclosure: I only made it to the 430am meditation  on 5/11 (there was a short meditation on the morning of day 11) of the mornings possible. My first two morning sit attempts left me so exhausted (and frequently napping) for the rest of the day that I decided that I would be able to meditate much more effectively if I got enough sleep. As well, I really didn’t want to get sick, and I had been feeling a little sick for some time leading up to the retreat. Excuses, excuses…

The Rules

Essentially:

• Segregation between men and women (with significant physical distance between men and women at all times). We had our designated areas, and we had to stick to them.
• No communication whatsoever with the other sitters (talking, eye contact, physical contact) and only with staff or the assistant teacher (male) if necessary
• Mandatory attendance to all Group Meditation sittings, as well as all discourses and at least the first part of many other meditation times. 
• No reading, writing, phone using, card playing, etc.
• No leaving the centre property
• There were a few other rules regarding showers, laundry, and eating time, but the above rules were the most important. 

~

Experience

Silence

What I expected to be one of the more difficult adjustments turned out to be one of the easiest. How much time have I spent in evenings alone with my thoughts? And how often do I pass unknown people in the streets without acknowledgement or communication? This was merely an extension of that, minus the guilt of feeling deliberately antisocial or judgmental.

Towards the end of the retreat, when snowfall came and everyone’s spirits seemed lighter and smiles quicker, little moments of recognition flitted between us. Snowmen, or snow art (the most memorable being a collection of tiny snowmen modelled after the arrangement of teachers and sitters in the main meditation hall), couldn’t help but communicate something, and whether it was restlessness, resignation, optimism, or insight, it was no doubt shared by all of us to some degree.

Food

Food in general was plain and satisfying. Every meal offered brown and white rice. Most meals offered soup of some kind, usually miso. Breakfasts offered bread, butter, and jam. 

As a first time Vipassana sitter, I was not denied dinner entirely, but nor was I given a full course. Just fruit and tea, which, by the end of the retreat, when my appetite had diminished significantly, became more than enough. 

Due to the simplicity of the food, anything with a more pronounced taste was much more intense. A single meal on a single day, for example, offered each sitter a single palm date, and it was such a treat! On the last two days, some exceptional meals were served: Udon Soup and Japanese vegetable curry. The last breakfast of the retreat, on day 11, featured keel according to a recipe of one of the teachers. Keel had been mentioned at least twice in the discourse videos during the retreat, and it was a nice surprise to be able to see what it was like.

Discourse

It is hard to now recall much of the content of the discourse videos, given every day from about 7:15-8:15pm. Goenka was a charismatic orator, but his teachings were loaded with information and countless illustrations that occasionally muddled the point. There was at least one video that was so loaded with Buddhist doctrine that I zoned out, but, for the most part, I left the talks feeling invigorated towards my sitting. 

The Four Noble Truths - the reality of suffering (humans are miserable), the cause of suffering (we do it to ourselves), the end of suffering (there is hope), and the cause of the end of suffering (let me show you the way) - were compelling as ever. Vipassana, “insight” meditation, directly confronts the cause of suffering by way of a microscopically fine examination of the rising and falling sensations of the human body. All experiences one has in the world can be broken down into sensations, and, so it is said, we are are constantly subconsciously labelling our sensations as good or bad, and responding either by clinging to and demanding more of the good sensations or shrinking back from and demanding less of the bad sensations. By a careful and, crucially, equanimous, examination of these sensations, viewed with an ever more powerful magnifying glass the more one’s concentration improves, one can experientially know that all sensations come and go, and there is therefore no point in holding on to them as if they could ever do elsewise. Goenka distinguishes between three kinds of truth: that taken to be truth on faith in authority; that believed to be true based on the power of one’s reasoning and logic; and that felt to be true in the body. It is this final kind of truth that Goenka stresses as being the most important, and the key to liberation. Good stuff!

Sitting

The biggest psychological event and challenge was the return of my health anxiety, long thought to be on the mend and nearly overcome. I had not appreciated the power of old mental habits, and of the ways in which I consciously or unconsciously preserved them. Superficial emotional reactions, i.e. emotional responses to sensations, were not my struggle. My struggle was in allowing my emotional reactions to be. So, anxiety about anxiety. Hopelessness about anxiety. Fear about impending anxiety, etc. Such vicious cycles are impossible to think one’s way out of. This feels now to be not just a statement about my own special anxiety, but also about the general anxiety of life, full of “problems” for which we must find “solutions.” What if the problem is really the idea of there being a problem? What if I am never going to be “complete” as long as I view myself as a “work in progress?” 

Regardless of the sense of hope that such concepts now give me, I was suffering throughout my retreat. But it was a humbling experience, and I somehow took comfort in the light yet completely sincere attitude towards human misery that Goenka often spoke with in his discourse videos. Yes, I was anxious, but was that *really* as bad as I was making it out to be?

My sits became refuges, and, as the days went on, my ability to sink deeply into a calm concentration strengthened. Not free from thought whatsoever, but more consistently free from reaction. My aversion to the inevitable pain (to be spoken about below) subsided, and what grew in my redoubled commitment to equanimity was ineffable. Troubles continued, but with each sit, I gained confidence in the power of the sit to work things out. I was committed to the observation of sensations, believing that, somehow, it would provide the key to untangling the anxious network of interconnected runaway mental processes.

I never did find that “key,” funnily enough. And it was initially quite discouraging to conclude the retreat and in many ways not just feel back where I started with meditation, but also back where I started with my anxiety. Yet, as I elaborated above, I now firmly believe that my old ideas of what a solution would look like were giving far more validity to the problem than I’d anticipated. I’ll talk about what this actually means going forward in the final section of this essay.

Pain and a Breakthrough

I knew there would be pain, but I didn’t really appreciate what that meant for the technique. It is quite easy to imagine oneself being equanimous in the face of pain, and quite another to actually be so.

So, I experienced pain, and, because of the pain, I saw plainly how seriously I took it. Each painful reemergence into the world post-meditation was full of concern about the pain in my knees, ankles shoulders, back, etc and what they meant for my future. I felt that I was certainly doing long term damage to my body and that the pain was communicating something crucially important.

For 6 days or so, I stubbornly held on to this belief. As well, I was stretching every day throughout the day, hoping to minimize the pain that would come. The irony of this situation was that I became quite aggressive with my stretching, and ultimately I became sorer than I’d ever been after meditating. 

The revelation that I in fact was the source of most of my pain was a powerful moment. Emotional, humbling, and, to a certain degree, cathartic. My daily stretching immediately transformed as I began again to observe with care the sensations of my body outside the meditation hall as well. So too did my ability to remain equanimous during the Strong Determination (i.e. no movement) sits. My breath became more subtle, and the stillness I began to deeply feel became the foundation of a vast reserve of resilience that I’d not felt previously.

It was on the 7th day that I experienced two of my most powerful sits. I became in touch with a subtle vibration. Subtle and originating from the pelvic area (I’m assuming, since activating the TA muscle stopped it). Once in tune with this subtle vibration it became impossible to ignore. Was this really going on all the time and I’d never noticed it? Perhaps not, but even so, I felt as though I’d crossed into an area of sensory experience never before experienced. 

At the conclusion of the final group meditation on day 7, I came out of my sit deeply affected, yet not in any way apprehendable by the intellect. As we English speakers headed out of the meditation hall to the next building over for the English discourse, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and saw my jaw visibly shaking. It was soon after that tears came. For the next 45 minutes or so, I was shaking, crying, and feeling very raw. Yet what continues to be the most fascinating aspect of this experience was the purity of this emotional release. I had no thoughts that related to this outpouring. No ancient sad memory. No traumatic realization. Nothing of the sort. And thank god I had the presence of mind not to stop what I was experiencing out of embarrassment. What I remember most clearly thinking was that “this was okay.”

In the final days of the retreat, the feeling of rawness continued. I was only occasionally emotional, and yet I felt in repair. I also felt totally open to the Strong Determination sits, and began to look forward to them and what possible insights they might provide. The vibrations continued but other sensations also arose. Sometimes, I went to bed feeling energy pulsing up and down my spinal cord in fine detail. I often felt a tingling sensation in my glutes as well as my lower back. Of course, I don’t know what any of this really means, but the impression was that of the “reactivation” of long sluggish or asleep areas in my body. 

Only on day 10 did I again experience a pain so intense that it eclipsed all else. I finished my meditation and realized that I’d had bone on bone contact between my ankles for nearly the entire hour. As the sensations again flooded my left foot I experienced the most intense nerve pain for about ten seconds, during which I was unable to move. I took care never to sit in such a configuration again! 

Day 10, Metta, and the conclusion of Noble Silence

On the final day of the retreat, we learned a new meditation technique: Metta, or Loving Kindness Meditation. I was initially quite on board with this idea, but, unfortunately, I found Goenka’s chant-riddled deliberation of the technique to be painfully slow and impossible to follow. 5-10 second pauses between words, and words too drawn out into 5-10 second drones. The contrast between Goenka and the Japanese translator’s interpretations of the text was marked and distracting, and the general atmosphere of the Metta sits was confusing and frustrating. How guilty I felt to be feeling resentment and frustration during a Loving Kindness meditation! 

Happily, on the morning of the 11th day, we did one last Metta meditation, and, for whatever reason, I was able to calm my mind, drop my resentment, and fully enter into the spirit of the technique. The gratitude for all who had made my retreat possible was palpable, and it was effortless to extend this feeling towards my family, friends, colleagues, strangers, etc.

Also on the 10th day was the conclusion of Noble Silence, replaced quickly by “noble chatter,” as Goenka described it in one of his videos. I was so grateful for this time, and the conversations it engendered touched me deeply. It was really my first little step back into the world of relationships, and I found myself to be completely willing. So clear to me still is the sound of laughter which permeated the centre’s atmosphere on this day. People were happy, and happy simply to be with and to commune with each other.

Sitters came from a variety of backgrounds. I didn’t have an opportunity to talk with everyone, but there was a math teacher, a life coach, at least two farmers, a film crewman, a husband and wife, etc. Among the non-English speaking Japanese sitters, too, no doubt there was more diversity. I never had much of a chance to speak with the women who completed the retreat, except for a young German woman who had been living in Japan for a couple of years. 

I recall a brief conversation with an older Japanese meditator. It had been his third retreat, and I had the sense from the lines of care on his face that he was a sensitive soul who’d had his share of difficulties. Of his retreat, all he could offer was that it was difficult and painful. Yet, he came back. Twice. So, too, had it been important and valuable to him, I surmised. His face is not easy to forget.

~

Reflection

The Method

It is very easy to get lost in the jargon of meditation traditions. Vipassana, as taught by Goenka, is no different. Happily, the technique is actually very simple, and I feel that, even though much of what he taught about the 8-fold path, the nature of sankaras, etc is already beyond my recollection, I feel capable of continuing in this particular tradition of insight (as long as I feel motivated!).

I wished for more practice in Apanana, concentration on the breath. I still feel very much to be a beginner in this, and the retreat’s three days of practice did little to improve my ability. I do understand the rationale behind the schedule of the retreat, though (this is a Vipassana meditation retreat, not an Anapana meditation retreat). This doesn’t bother me so much now. Less concerned I am with whether or not I am meditating “successfully.”

Despite Goenka’s insistence on the non-sectarian nature of the practice, it felt like a cult in some respects, and it is difficult for me to hear the insistence on the reality of past lives, karma, and future lives as anything but outdated doctrine. Goenka’s affirmation, at the end of the retreat, that one must commit to one technique fully (Vipassana or other) in order to grow spiritually rubs me the wrong way. Why is this necessary?

So too does the moral component of the Buddhist doctrines. I am not looking from an escape from the moral principle, but I do feel that the transcendental nature of the doctrines and techniques of Buddhism as taught in the retreat seems to lie outside of morality. Morality is not absolute, and must always relate to the society in which it evolves. So, I think that the moral consequences derived from the four noble truths say more about the context in which Buddhism was developed than about any absolute moral principle of the cosmos. Goenka often talked about how scientific and objective this style of Vipassana meditation was, and yet how often he so blatantly veered out of the scientific sphere, whatever validity it has!

Changes

I felt broken when I finished the retreat. Powerful experiences aside, I felt to be again in quite an intimate relationship with my old anxiety problem.

And yet…

Another Canadian whom I met gave some light anecdotally derived advice on being vigilant about thoughts that might rapidly spiral into anxious vortexes, and so that was my shaky foundation for re-adaptation to ordinary life. I won’t lie, though: I was so keenly aware of every single thought and sensation that I did at times feel to be going a bit nutty!

The most immediate sense that I felt upon return from the retreat was that of overwhelming gratitude for my relationships. So much love did I feel towards all with whom I’d formed a meaningful connection, and I realized that, in practice, there was not the slightest trace of insincerity in these sentiments. Of course, old patterns die hard, and I am hardly home free regarding my more challenging tendencies, but the underlying sense of gratitude for those who have shared with me their sincerity, their lives, remains strong.

My self-consciousness in the world has dropped significantly, and how light I feel as a result. This is truly one of those “felt” truths, because I don’t think that self-consciousness-free living can ever be a “fake it ‘til you make it” venture. I truly feel much more aware of how little what others see of me matters. I am not so much a different person as less restricted “me,” whoever that is. In other words, perhaps, my ego has softened, because who or what I think I have to be doesn’t seem to be of much importance anymore. 

Somehow...somehow, thoughts mean less. I am far more willing to declare a thought “meaningless” rather than “reflective of who I am.” For, is there even a me who owns these thoughts? Is Joe an entity, or a process? Naturally, as a result, I feel much more able to be in the present moment. Not free from thought, but in full acceptance that a thought about the past is just as much a part of the present moment as anything else. And, as a sensation, as an emotion, as all things great and small, it will simply arise, and then pass. 

I need to stress that what I am describing are not “goals attained,” but rather shifts of consciousness that have catalyzed what I believe to be a more healthy and real way of relating to the world. I am still enmeshed in this dysfunctional network of brokenness (contemporary society), but I no longer see my goal to be integration within it. Nor too, more importantly, do I see liberation as being the complete abandonment of it. It simply doesn’t matter as much.

With these subtle changes in perspective in hand, I do look forward to whatever comes next, because, as it just so happens, I have concluded this transformative experience on the cusp of a great change in direction in my life.

Moving forward with Meditation…

Immediately after the retreat was over I thought seriously about taking up Goenka’s challenge to practice Vipassana meditation seriously for one year (1 hr in the morning, 1 hr in the evening), but perhaps I was too hasty.

I have reintroduced lying meditation with body scans, and have found the body scans to be much easier in the lying posture, despite Goenka’s insistence that it would dull the mind. I would like to practice Metta meditation more often, but I find the scripts available online to be lacking. 

I am more convinced now than ever before about the transformative power of meditation, and I am, perhaps for the first time, excited about this introspective journey.

[Naldaramjo]

This is a lot to read, but, to any of you who are interested in or can relate to the subject, I hope that it enjoyable.

If you have any questions, please let me know. I am constantly editing this essay, and I am happy for any feedback.

[Kit_L]

4 hours ago, Naldaramjo said:

All experiences one has in the word can be broken down into sensations,

world? I assume typo.

[Naldaramjo]

10 minutes ago, Kit_L said:

world? I assume typo.

Yes, thank you!

[Kit_L]

5 hours ago, Naldaramjo said:

...and that felt to be true in the body

This is what I have been insisting on for years, though I put it differently. I say, 'the body is talking to you all the time; the language is sensation'. The mind may not speak this 'language', or may be deaf to it; our work is precisely in the refining, understanding, and refining that understanding of the awareness of these sensations. I also say, 'the body never lies', and it is in the Goenkan sense I mean this. It is profound, if you immerse yourself in it. It is also the core idea of Eckhart Tolle's 'The power of now'.

There's a further, non-trivial layer: the sensations of the body are only, can only, be experienced in the continuously unfolding present. "The sensation of five minutes ago" is a concept, not a sensation. If one can attend in part to the sensations of the body continuously, one is present. It was this realisation that changed our work for me, and I realised too that most people are not clearly aware of the many, many sensations that the body is communicating to us. That is what ST can do: clarify and deepen that awareness. And every time you are aware of these sensations, you are present. How marvellous!

[Naldaramjo]

On 2/20/2020 at 3:50 PM, Kit_L said:

...

It is so encouraging to me that there is much overlap between meditation and the philosophy embodied by ST. Thanks for your comment, @Kit_L!

[Naldaramjo]

Back to my regularly scheduled program...

Has anyone experienced and subsequently released extremely tight gluteus medius muscles? My hunch is that they are also quite weak, perhaps causing my IT band and TFL to work too hard, although I can't seem to find an isolating enough exercise to confirm or negate this hunch. In addition, I can't stretch them. The feel like tendons when I bend forward to do something like a piriformis stretch. The "stretching sensation" is non-existent. 

Any ideas or experiences are welcome :)

[Nathan]

21 hours ago, Naldaramjo said:

In addition, I can't stretch them. The feel like tendons when I bend forward to do something like a piriformis stretch. The "stretching sensation" is non-existent.

Glute med will be stretched in pretty much any piri stretch. My recommendation is to do some serious rolling with a relatively hard ball (I use this) prior to your piri stretches. Roll the glute med and piri area, and all the way around the outside of the hip to the hip flexors on the front. This works really well for me to release a lot of that tension that can reduce the effectiveness of the piri stretches.

[Naldaramjo]

That ball looks intense! I do have one similar, although perhaps a bit smaller. Ive tried using it in the past, but aside from extreme pain, I've not felt much release. You recommend using it before some stretching? 

I've also discovered that relaxing my groin muscles had improved my ability to activate my medial glutes in a wider range of motion, so I will also continue to work on relaxing the fronts and insides of my legs.

[Nathan]

20 hours ago, Naldaramjo said:

That ball looks intense! I do have one similar, although perhaps a bit smaller. Ive tried using it in the past, but aside from extreme pain, I've not felt much release. You recommend using it before some stretching? 

It is intense! I should say that being able to relax into some intense pressure is a prerequisite. If you only feel pain and no release, either take weight off or use a softer implement. And yes, roll before stretching. You can roll again after, but it is the rolling before that helps most.

[Kit_L]

There is a gluteus medius stretch that does not affect piriformis; it's the hanging side bend. You'll find it under that name in both editions of Stretching & Flexibility. and, depending on how you orient the hips (WRT to the point you are hanging from) and the direction you slide the foot (this is the contraction) you can preferentially target tensor fascia lata and gluteus minimus, too. It is a hugely under-rated stretch.

[Nathan]

11 minutes ago, Kit_L said:

It is a hugely under-rated stretch.

Page 88 of the second edition: Exercise 4, Standing side bend, hanging version. The ring version is also part of Master Shoulder Flexibility: E11 - Ring Side Bend. The ring version is glorious and makes me wish my rings were hanging from something more stable than a freestanding pull up bar. I'd also settle for some stall bars 

[Kit_L]

And (there's more!): the basic idea is available in a YT video, here:

https://youtu.be/0BX4_eGkaFs?t=135

I have set it so it plays from the horizontal hanging side bend. For me, the standing side bend from the book is the best of all of them, though.

[Brad]

On 2/23/2020 at 9:59 PM, Naldaramjo said:

My hunch is that they are also quite weak, perhaps causing my IT band and TFL to work too hard, although I can't seem to find an isolating enough exercise to confirm or negate this hunch. In addition, I can't stretch them.

I find I can isolate the gluteus medius and minimus effectively doing side-lying hip abduction, i.e. lying on your side and raising the top leg in the air without turning the foot out. You can internally rotate the leg slightly or think of lifting the heel in the air to ensure you maintain the proper position.

 

For stretching them, if you're doing the external rotation stretch on the floor (the pigeon as some call it), I have found elevating the hip with a bolster or mats like is recommended by those here at Stretch Therapy really helps get you in the right position. I feel the stretch in the smaller glutes much more when raising the hip even a little than without.

[Naldaramjo]

On 2/26/2020 at 10:24 AM, Nathan said:

It is intense! I should say that being able to relax into some intense pressure is a prerequisite. If you only feel pain and no release, either take weight off or use a softer implement. And yes, roll before stretching. You can roll again after, but it is the rolling before that helps most.

It seems like I got some work cut out for me. Many trigger points and many muscles as tight as tendons, it seems, especially the medial glutes! Direct pressure inside the butt (i.e. piriformis) is excruciating!

On 2/26/2020 at 1:21 PM, Kit_L said:

There is a gluteus medius stretch that does not affect piriformis; it's the hanging side bend. You'll find it under that name in both editions of Stretching & Flexibility. and, depending on how you orient the hips (WRT to the point you are hanging from) and the direction you slide the foot (this is the contraction) you can preferentially target tensor fascia lata and gluteus minimus, too. It is a hugely under-rated stretch.

I've tried these stretches before, but I can't get them to work for me. I'll keep experimenting with angles and intensity and see how things feel.

On 2/26/2020 at 1:38 PM, Nathan said:

Page 88 of the second edition: Exercise 4, Standing side bend, hanging version. The ring version is also part of Master Shoulder Flexibility: E11 - Ring Side Bend. The ring version is glorious and makes me wish my rings were hanging from something more stable than a freestanding pull up bar. I'd also settle for some stall bars 

 

On 2/26/2020 at 2:44 PM, Kit_L said:

And (there's more!): the basic idea is available in a YT video, here:

https://youtu.be/0BX4_eGkaFs?t=135

I have set it so it plays from the horizontal hanging side bend. For me, the standing side bend from the book is the best of all of them, though.

Thanks to both of you for the references :) 

On 2/27/2020 at 4:10 AM, Brad said:

I find I can isolate the gluteus medius and minimus effectively doing side-lying hip abduction, i.e. lying on your side and raising the top leg in the air without turning the foot out. You can internally rotate the leg slightly or think of lifting the heel in the air to ensure you maintain the proper position.

 

For stretching them, if you're doing the external rotation stretch on the floor (the pigeon as some call it), I have found elevating the hip with a bolster or mats like is recommended by those here at Stretch Therapy really helps get you in the right position. I feel the stretch in the smaller glutes much more when raising the hip even a little than without.

Thank you for the suggestion. I do like lying hip abduction exercises, but in the pigeon pose I encounter a similar problem to what I stated at the beginning: I can get good ROM, but I have zero stretching sensation. So, I feel like I'm working around whatever's tight rather than through. Perhaps I'll experiment with hip height, and see what happens. 🙂

[Naldaramjo]

The learning of my body continues. I have a hunch as to why my butt has been so resistant to relaxing. My gluteus medius muscles are quite weak. Weaker than I really knew. They've also been quite hard to isolate in both stretches and strengthening exercises, the TFL often taking the bulk of the work. So, I've been experimenting with different glute activation exercises, and I found a circuit that has over the past 4 days significantly improved my ability to activate my medial glutes and increase my active range of motion. There's still a lot of interference from the other lateral hip muscles, but I finally feel like I'm making progress. 🙂

Here's the exercise circuit:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6VsTA011hU
 

My ROM for the clamshells is quite small, but it's already started improving. The band really helps me engage with the target muscle. We'll see how all of this newfound strength affects my ability to relax my butt muscles as I continue. 

Meanwhile, my left shoulder slowly but surely continues to improve. It might have been one of the tiny rotator muscles that was pulled (or torn? I'm not sure), because I've heard that those tend to take a long time to heal. 

[Naldaramjo]

Butt activation continues! 

The previous exercise circuit's effectiveness dropped a bit, so I started exploring different ways to activate my medial glutes. 

A new exercise I'm doing is a side lying leg lift, but slightly modified. Instead of having my legs in line with my body, I have my hips flexed at a 90 degree angle,about half-way into a fetal position. Then, with my ground contacting leg bent 90 degrees at the knee, I straighten my upper leg and perform the leg raise. 

Even in this exercise, I found it difficult to isolate my medial glutes. Many other muscles tried to compensate. So, I performed about 20 small leg circles before attempting the usual movement. This brought the burn out in the medial glute, as well as some other deeper areas in the butt. 

I still can't do many reps, but I can already feel significant improvement in my "butt feel." I usually pair this exercise with an adductor/hip flexor strengthening/lengthening movement, and I've found that the pair work quite well together. 

For upper body mobility, I am working on strengthening and lengthening my serratus anterior muscles. As I near the end of my range of motion for this movement, my arms often start shaking, so I know I'm moving in the right direction! The end range of motion exercise movement is like this:



Also, finding time to do some cool new hikes in the nearby national park:
 

In other news, I am moving back to Canada from Korea after five years of living here. Feels a bit surreal.