AlexanderEgebak

I have taken a more relaxed standpoint to exercising and have been focusing less on planned pursuits and more on where the river flows. Tomorrow, I have an interview in the Danish Psychologist Association - an exciting opportunity! Im bothered less by my hips and also noticed more relaxation in the area. Im now realizing that the obliques and quadratus lumborum are the main sticking points! Sitting a lot (likely with unilateral side bending and anterior tilting of the pelvis), poor lifting posture (overhead press and bent over front rows mainly) and general stress-induced inflammatory processes (poor sleep, life situation etc...) are the main drivers. Doing side bends and raises on the back extension machine really helps a lot. Im very conscious about avoiding hip/spine rotation during this movement while actively pressing my feet strongly against the support to maintain an anchor point, avoid knee bending and recruit tensor fasciae latae as it seems to connect to the issue. I have practiced guided meditations once per week for a month now. Even though my body isnt felt as if its "relaxing" more, my mind is. I will continue with this.

How are you doing now Matt? Would love to hear your considerations if you dont mind sharing?

I somehow missed reading this comment, Kit! Thank you for sharing, and in a way it is an encouragement to let myself be reminded I am not isolated in the turbulence of a self-discovery journey. "Surviving" for a long time had its benefits; I did manage to attain qualifications, built strength for relentless pursuit and acquired unique insight I just need mobilize towards goals or directions that are in alignment with myself. I agree I can fit into a niche or create my own (risk aversion is a nemesis of mine). Im discussing starting a consulting firm with a friend from law studies who has similar diversified background. And Im in talks with another friend who is doctor of psychiatry about creating a product in the private healthcare system. We would cover aspects of mental and physical health through diagnosis, medication, cognitive therapy, physical therapy, nutrition, and addressing social challenges like career, education, economy, social media and AI. In short: An attempt to cover most bases. Just giving myself time and grace is my working strategy now. The rest appear to come flowing intuitively to me.

Thank you Gareth! Its been quite the journey on multiple fronts!

Continueing "the grind" here, the work I put into hip mobility has paid off as my right pelvis has slightly more cold posterior kipping ROM and feels less tense. This highlighted more pieces of the puzzle, specifically the quadratus lumborum and the oblique abdominal muscle groups. I have started a mobility exercise where I lie sideways on a 45 degrees back extension machine. I anchor myself to laterally flex my spine into a deep stretch for like 10-15s and then repping my way up. Rinse and repeat for 10 reps and 3 sets. First time I even managed manipulate the SI joint. As Im training 4x weekly Im doing all this quite often and I have been having DOMS in said muscles since starting the exercise. Now Im going for a vacation, treating it as a deload week with minimal effort outside of gentle mobility. In my experience this is where the gains show - as systemic inflammation subsides! Im planning, with low frequency, to start lying relaxation practice with a minimum of 1-2 times weekly right before my singing warmup. I am confident in sticking to that plan for now at least. So theres that! On the more existential front I am more energetic, happier, less anxious/depressed and starting to let my energy just flow to activities because they feel right, not just because they are sound logically right.

I also just realized that I joined this site a little more than 10 years ago! Thats crazy! How times have changed!

Thank you Kit! Its been a tough time. My brother was cleared, and now we are awaiting results of preliminary tests for my mother. Im hanging on. Things are better now and Im focusing on rebuilding myself for my new life. Yes, I defended my master's thesis. For context: 2012-2015 law bachelor's degree, 1 year of sports science, 3.5 years of physiotherapy, 3 years in clinic, then 2 year master of laws. At 32 years old that is a lot! Looking forward to finding work which may hold and value my different skill sets.

Some time ago since last update. I have been going through a great deal of personal things, among them cancer in my closest family and me and my partner breaking up three days before thesis deadline. I have had my bad luck dishes of a life time being served to me the last 5 years. Luckily, I made it through, wrote a very well received thesis, defended it well and I am now a proud lawyer and physiotherapist at the same time! I am using these days to find myself again and recover from some very tough 6 months. The opportunity now is a hard reset of my self image. Seeing the positives in the negatives, there is no complacency trap. My body is way more relaxed and less tense despite the training having been on a back burner for some time. Still low on mental ressources, but they will come. I am following a guy on instagram called "lowbackability" who has a series of hip/glute/spine exercises which are really effective for my issues. I plan to do them everyday eventually; currently they are the mainstay warmup for all lower body stretching as they immediately unlock my full range of motion! Meanwhile I am still hard focused on psoas/RF stretch and both are getting better. I am also paying attention to too much sitting and my computer setup where I have a tendency of rotating and flexing my spine which brings annoyances from sitting too long.

Hey Gareth. I am currently writing my master's thesis in law studies. The writing is going well but I suppose its part of the process to feel as if you are never quite satisfied with the progress. I will be handing in the thesis in June and defend it shortly after. Imagine that - 9.5 years of studying, only briefly disrupted by physiotherapy work, is coming to an end!

A small update: The numbness and restlessness from lower back down my leg to my foot has been receding which supports an idea that nerve irritation have at least partially subsided. Being able to relax while sitting or lying down is a very welcome change. It also allowed me, especially after exercising, to intuitively rest on my back and stomach (tight neck know) instead of being confined to "side-sleeping". I am still grinding out the flexibility work. I am especially seeing progress with my pancake worth. Actively rotating and abducting my hips to prevent SI-joint glide which results in hip adduction, internal rotation and lumbar spine lateral shift and rotation. It has become easier and more relaxed which has significantly improved cold flexibility and proficiency in press handstand work. Form in hip flexor stretches and Bulgarian split squats improved, though its still challenging to ensure a hip flexor stretch and during squats to avoid QL-involvement. I have noticed foam rolling, cobra poses and bridge work specifically can cause spinal manipulation that drastically improves flexibility work afterwards. I am treating this as relaxation stretches and trying to relax into a "pop". Other than that strength has also improved. Doing 4 reps of 40kg pull ups now, bent over rows 70 kg 8 reps, dips with 60 kg 5 reps with increased depth and improved form, dumbbell overhead press 2x40 kg 5 reps now, biceps curls 35 kg 10 reps. Making progress on the mental aspects as well. I have successfully let go of some illusions/delusions which held a firm grip on my energy. Having my energy not leaking from these circumstances anywhere I am able to direct more energy to my master thesis work in law studies. Eventually, attempting to give a lying relaxation practice a serious shot, being mindful of your points @Kit_L. Im moving closer.

What you are describing aligns closely with the definitions of "ego", an illusion of the Self. If the true self is dynamic and unrestricted, the ego is maintaining a calcified and distorted version of the self, negotiated and perceived through interactions with others. We just need to "be". Likewise, striving for perfection can also be seen as a simple result of "being", if unpolluted by agency of the ego.

I know, compartmentalization is something I am working on! I have affinity for being analytical, in its purest form still present without distance to my emotions, so thats what Im trying to connect to. Singing is one such way, singing for the purest joyful expression but also combined with a healthy and nerdy, perfectionistic mindset. If swimming is the act of navigating through (a river of) life in all its forms, then swimming against the current is the action of using willpower to achieve goals not sufficiently aligned with desire, habits, emotions and internal motivation. If willpower is an expendable ressource to navigate less meaningful circumstances, and that entirely is whats keeping you afloat, you will eventually fatigue. In a sense, our desires, habits, emotions and internal motivations can be said to contain (a perspective of) our true self, and figuratively we can either drift along or "fight our current". Realizing that the river moves and changes regardless of our swimming opens up to seeing the choice of swimming with or against our true selves. In my current (no pun intended) context, I am exhausted of things that I "must do" that falls outside the 4 established factors of my true self. Letting go without using willpower is a skill I am still working on which is also why I am still hesitant of starting mindfullness practice. It will be forced, sporadic and draining to initiate. Too much resistance to the benefits I do perceive being pertained within the practice. On another note my posterior tilt is improving more by days. I have less soreness around my spine, and during hip flexor stretches, split squats and pancake stretch I have way more control, can shift tension and make ad-hoc meaningful changes. I am still far from where I want to be but I appreciate starting to "lift the curse". I had the flue recently which forced to make me sleep on my back, basically without turning all night. I lost a lot of tension which makes me conclude that I tend to sleep in weird and twisted shapes, nudged by the pelvis position and spinal tension I believe.

From a lifetime of swimming against the current of my true self, metaphorically speaking.

So, an update is in order. On a general note my pelvis feels less rigid, and I suspect that it might have shifted "into a less tension generating position". This is expressed through the hip flexor/RF stretches where I experience less of a block and more of a stretch, though the tension still varies notably compared to the left side. I have also experienced improvement in my Bulgarian split squats. I had, and still have, a tendency to internally rotate my hips, shift weight bearing medially, do a small arch and side bent. As a result of addressing this I am gradually targeting the evasive right gluteus medius while also having a more pronounced posterior pelvic tilt and control of the movement. In my pancake stretches the pattern of internal rotation is also present, in addition to some degree of adduction of the hip and lateral shifting/glide of the bottom vertebrae. My primary focus is to force external rotation of th hips and maintain firm contact to the floor with the glutes. This results in cramping of gluteus medius as well as a strong sensation of stretch-related tension at the estimated site of the origin of gracillis. A pleasant sensation though its painful. Any specific comments or suggestions to the above? You suggest I may be carrying a lot of tension which is absolutely true in my opinion! Even though I have become very flexible by the standards of most people, with the exception of a few specific sticking points, I still have a lot of tension which may not just be genetic, but also emotional/mental. I am addressing these separately but seeing how I responded to the singing exercise I may focus more on somatic emotional release.

I see the problem! Pushing then comes from the abs, especially the lower sections were targeted specifically in my case. Does this clear the confusion?